And just when you think you can't get any lower, a new reality documentary comes on sat from somewhere.1. You can't help but get this impression when you watch the defilage of pseudo celebrities moving into the container one by one with their suitcases. It looks a bit like a mixture of barbie house and antique store with an extra rough touch of plush.
There is miss mini-playback-show marijke amado, who first goes through the magic ball herself and then moves into a kind of pigsty as a lady gaga-impersonator – no, not into the house but into a kind of pigsty, where she is first allowed to freeze and observe the happenings from a distance. By the way, accompanied by her dog. There is percival, ex-voice of germany-candidate, who emphasizes his sexual openness and is only afraid that his "willy falls out of his bathing suit while showering".
Natalia osada is – more or less – known for her participation in "catch the millionaire". In addition to sausage-like clothing, it is characterized above all by expressions such as "fuck the hen" and "write on the wall from. Actor martin semmelrogge confesses in an interview that he has overcome alcohol and that one can "go through thick and thin" with him and that he is unjustly reduced to being a jailbird.
Sarah Joelle jahnel is another candidate you rather don't have to know. She was on DSDS – and in playboy. And dieter bohlen has openly called her a slut. Can happen. In the clip she says that she likes her body. In the house it says: "i have a stature like a chimpanzee." Fishing for compliments as clumsy as it gets.
Then comes fancy, a guy who looks like a bedside rug and was probably a pop star in the eighties. And jenny elvers-elbertzhagen, who affirms how much better she feels without alcohol and says as her last words before moving in: "god is with me." Well, dear jenny, even if god is with you, you can still be out of all good spirits.
Then comes manuel charr, the "colossus of koln". He is a boxer and became ingloriously known because he let vitali klitschko beat him up pretty badly. He dedicates his last words to him: "everything will be all right in the end, and if it's not all right in the end, it's not the end." Oh dear.
With ex-no angel lucy diakovska finally comes someone you know again. She got a button in her ear from the director and must secretly fulfill orders. So she has to address martin semmelrogge with a false name for a whole day. I'm sure he'll love that.
The next one is a simon desue, a youtube star and for the big brother house he has qualified by his own account, that he has over 100.Has 000 more facebook fans than oliver pocher. At least as prominent is jan leyk, the next contestant. He has been on "berlin tag und nacht" (berlin day and night) played along. Soso.
Because the best comes to the end (or something like that), david hasselhoff has his rough appearance now. With original flashing wall-appearance jacket from 1989. Screech! Cindy wants a photo, so does oliver pocher. But hasselhoff doesn't understand a word of the big brother's instructions.
Marijke Amado, who after hours is finally allowed to leave the pigsty, has decided that jenny has to sleep in a double bed with sarah joelle. At least jenny does not seem to be enthusiastic about it. And now for 15 days. To spare you (and me) more grandiose big brother television evenings, i'll therefore venture a – not entirely serious – prediction of what will happen in the next 15 days in the tv-container.
Day 1: martin semmelrogge's ego takes massive damage because lucy can't seem to remember his name. When boxer manuel charr confuses him with simon youtube-desue, martin goes berserk and hits him. Manuel goes in the second round k.O. To the ground – his eye is bleeding too much.
Day 2: the suitcase-roulette has struck and millionaire-natalia and DSDS-sarah joelle have to part with one of their suitcases each. 93 pairs of shoes and a carton of cigarettes are lost – at least for the next two weeks. Jenny elvers-elbertzhagen and lucy diakovska hide their shoes in the pigsty just in case.
Day 3: simon desue is so excited about marijke amado ("i know her from my childhood!") that he goes through the magic bullet and makes a much acclaimed appearance as david hasselhoff. His interpretation of "I've been looking for freedom" will be a hit on youtube within a short time.
Day 4: boxer-manuel has recovered from his fight injury and wants revenge. Berlin tag und nacht-jan offers to be his sparring partner, but manuel declines the offer after a small test fight lands him in the pool within seconds.
Day 5: jenny keeps up her alcohol withdrawal, but gargles with mouthwash for a remarkably long time three times a day.
Day 6: natalia "fuck the hen, sarah joelle "i like my body" and percy "i am sexually open" come closer to each other in the sauna than one would like to see. I will spare you the details.
Day 7: david hasselhoff shows first signs of knowing the german language.
Day 8: natalia turns away from percy in disappointment after realizing he's not a millionaire either. Daruber that he has also made fancy advances, she had still graciously overlooked.
Day 9: the terrible thing happened: percy's dick actually fell out of his pants while he was showering. Much to the delight of marijke's dog, who is happy about the nice sausage and eager to eat it. With this, further affaires may have become unnecessary for the time being.
Day 10: now that percy can hit the high notes better, he starts a singing contest. The candidates are: lucy, sarah joelle, percy and david. The spectators make the dog the winner.
Day 11: jenny obviously reaches for vodka for the first time. Cheers! And respect that she has lasted so long at all!
Day 12: marijke makes clear advances to david hasselhoff: she offers him to share her double bed in the future.
Day 13: david has had enough and leaves the container in a hurry – with marijke's dog. He feels a "special bond" with the vodka.
Day 14: martin semmelrogge speaks out: on camera he vows to change his life radically from now on. He never wants to do anything like that to himself again. Quote: "celebrity big brother is worse than any prison could ever be!"
Day 15: the winner of celebrity big brother is crowned. It becomes fancy, who drops his coat and sunglasses when leaving the house and reveals his true self: it is lothar matthaus!
Of course I do not guarantee the completeness and correctness of this information. The events described could also occur in a different order. Television germany will see it, daily on sat.1. I do not. One celebrity big brother is all it takes.